FP# 227: The Pathway to Love: How to Create Intimacy and ...

Julie is a speaker, psychotherapist, coach, and consultant. She has had different kinds of relationships throughout her life and, in conjunction with her 24 years of helping people as a psychotherapist and coach, it became clear to her that there really is a predictable developmental pathway that all relationships take but people are lacking the guidance that will help them navigate it. Thus, she wrote a book, The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform your Relationships through Self-Discovery, which aims to show couples the importance of understanding and acceptance in a developing relationship.

In this interview, Julie talks about her passion ? to empower others to achieve the kind of lasting and positive relationship they want. She cites the phases of a relationship, discusses their characteristics and shares her insights on how to deepen their relationship into lasting intimacy.

WHAT YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

1. There really is a predictable developmental pathway that all relationships take
2. Once you understand this gift, you will know the right places to move at the right time and what you have to move through
3. A relationship is a being in and of itself and you have to address it as a life force that has its own personality

? A 2-year old needs to act like a 2-year old and not like a 10-year old

? Your relationship is growing and evolving just like a person and you need to nourish it to make it grow and develop

? This evolution is affecting your own growth and change. Thus, you need to know where you are in a relationship as well as where your partner is

THE PHASES OF A DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIP

Phase 1: THE FANTASY PHASE

? Both partners have a romanticized idea of love. The euphoric feeling causes it to be confused with real love which it is not

Phase 2: THE SELF-DISCOVERY PHASE

? Together with Phase 3, this is where real love occurs and intimacy grows as you discover more about yourself and realize what the relationship is teaching you

Phase 3: THE PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION PHASE

? You take much of the pressure off your partner as you understand yourself and fully accept your partner for who he or she is. You try to work on your own areas, not those of your partner, that need improvement

??? ? Ironically, full acceptance of yourself, your partner and the situation automatically creates a space for stretching, growing and healing which leads to a loving feeling towards each other

WHY RELATIONSHIPS GET STUCK OR FAIL

1. Since it?s impossible to sustain the kind of ?high? of Phase 1, people tend to look for the stimulus in other relationships
2. Each partner focuses too much on the other, expecting his or her own needs to be met by the other
3. People fail to reflect on the fact that a relationship mirrors where they are in their own relational journey

FINAL THOUGHTS

A. We all really want to be understood, respected and appreciated for who we truly are, not for the fantasy that people want.

B. Acceptance doesn?t mean Yes, though. You?re only accepting someone for who he or she is, not that he or she is right for you. This helps you get clear on what you want so you can make powerful choices from a place of acceptance of the reality and determine what to do with that acceptance.

C. At the core of a relationship is honoring each other and each other?s values

You can learn more about relationships at Julie?s website at JulieOrlov.com. She?s giving away a workbook with a complementary guide which you can pick up for free at ThePathwayToLove.com.

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